Superintendent Gary Chalmers rang the doorbell to Principal Seymour Skinner's house, to which Seymour answered soon after. "Well, Seymour, I made it... despite your directions," Chalmers muttered.
"Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome!" Skinner greeted his guest. "I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!"
"Yeah," doubted Chalmers, taking a seat at the dinner table. Skinner entered the kitchen to get his meal, only to find his oven billowing out smoke. Gasping, he quickly ran to the oven, opening it and observing the burnt food. "Oh egads! My roast is ruined!" Skinner exclaimed.
Looking out the window, he spotted the nearby Krusty Burger restaurant. "But what if," Seymour thought, quickly hatching a plan, "I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho ho ho, delightfully devilish, Seymour!"
Removing the apron he had on previous, Skinner opened the window and prepared to climb through it, but suddenly Superintendent Chalmers opened the door and caught Seymour mid-act.
Singers: "Skin-ner with his crazy explanations, The superintendent's gonna need his medication, When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations, There'll be trouble in town tonight!"
"SEYMOUR!" shouted Chalmers.
Surprised, Seymour quickly thought up lies on the spot. "Superintendent, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric exercise. Care to join me?"
"Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?"
"Uh- oh! That isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm, steamed clams!"
Not entirely convinced, Chalmers left the kitchen and closed the door with a doubtful expression on his face. Skinner sighed with relief, then quickly ran out the window into the Krusty Burger restaurant.
LATER...
As Chalmers was adjusting his handkerchief, Skinner opened the door with a tray of burgers. "Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!" he said.
"I thought we were having steamed clams," questioned Chalmers.
"D'oh, no. I said steamed hams," answered Skinner, setting down the tray and taking a seat. "That's what I call hamburgers."
"You call hamburgers steamed hams?"
"Yes. It's a regional dialect."
"Uh-huh. Uh, what region?"
"Uh, upstate New York?"
"Really. Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'"
"Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression."
"I see."
After the two ate for some time, Chalmers noticed something about the taste of the meal. "You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger."
"Oh ho ho ho, no," replied Skinner, "Patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe!"
"For steamed hams."
"Yes!"
"Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled."
Stunned into silence, Skinner could only muster a few words. "You think... you know the... One thing I should... excuse me for one second," he said, leaving the dinner table and entering the kitchen, whose doors were now emitting smoke. Skinner left the kitchen shortly before entering, yawning while doing so. "Oh well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped."
Chalmers got up from his seat. "Yes, I should be- Good Lord, what is happening in there?!" he exclaimed, noticing the flames from the slightly opened door of the kitchen.
"Aurora borealis?" lied Skinner.
"Ah.. Aurora borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?"
"Yes."
"...May I see it?"
"No."
As both men left the house, an elderly female voice called out from it. "Seymour! The house is on fire!"
"No, mother, it's just the northern lights," reassured Skinner.
"Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow," commented Chalmers, "But I must say... you steam a good ham." Chalmers began to depart, but turned back around after hearing his Skinner's mother call out for help. Skinner gave him a quick thumbs up, then Chalmers continued to leave while Skinner ran back inside the house.